For The Sake of Calculus?
by ayasachan
Summary: AU. Because studying calculus might lead to different things... [RusPh]


Author's Note: First of all, there's an 18+ content in this fanfiction. If you really want to read, please proceed with caution. I wrote this as a challenge for myself if I can handle writing this sort of stuff or not. This is so embarrassing but at least I surpassed it. Even I was blushing whenever I read this. Lol.

And forbidden love is very fun to write.

For The Sake of Calculus?

-;-

"Maria, why aren't you studying for tomorrow's exam? You can always ask me about it."

In situations like this, Ivan's voice always doomed my ears. He was standing in front of me while his eyes filled with disappointment as he slammed a book in front of me, a book which pages I rarely bother to read. He sighs, knowing that I was really stubborn when it comes to the word " _stuDYING"_ , not that I don't fancy studying with him, I just loathe that subject, not him.

I'm a 17-year-old girl, sweet as described by people around me with wide brown eyes, dark hair and olive skin. I'm also a first year college student but my campus life isn't really great at the moment. On the other hand, the 26-year-old guy who sits next to me is obtaining his master degree in the very same campus I'm attending to – Saint Petersburg University. Well, even if the tuition fee is so expensive, I've only decided to study there because of him. Go ahead and judge me that I'm so clingy but you should know that when you really love someone, you will do anything to be by his side.

His eyes darted at me for a moment and I was taken aback by the colour them - it was blue, if I would give it a name, it will be bluish violet like a twilight! His scent was slapped all over me, overwhelming my senses. "You've got zero in this quiz." He raised the familiar paper with disgustingly full of red marks and sighs, "Integral Calculus is not that hard."

Hard? No such thing was hard for the high and mighty Ivan Braginsky. He can cook all kinds of amazing dishes and he can even shoot his target in perfect aim during his military training. And you will never believe this, he can even find my failed exam papers that I often hide from him!

Want to hear more amazing things about him? One, he is very intelligent. Two, he is multi-talented. Three, he is so blessed with good looks. Four, he is a very kind man on the inside (even if he looks very rude on the outside). Five, hot. *Blink* Why am I now thinking about his hotness?

"I just hate it, that's all, I totally hate this subject and you know it, Ivan! It's not like I'm going to use those freakin' formulas in the near future! Can you imagine a world where you will buy food in the groceries with some freakin' x squared to the power of 2 times to the xyz written on the price tag? That's why I totally need to drop this stupid course!" I told him in a loud voice but he remained calm and stoic. I wonder if my words slammed him to the reality that I don't like my college major. But his facial expression was unreadable. Well, every expression made by Ivan had been always unreadable.

Entering in the college was the worst thing happened in my life. I love my new school, yeah, Ivan is with me, yeah, we are now living under the same roof; together and alone, yeah but I couldn't stand to study engineering. What kind of engineering? Do not even dare to ask because we all know that every kind of engineering is very hard to pass. And don't judge me again that I'm a dumb person! In fact, my main strength is to interact with other people! I'm also good at playing sports, especially swimming! I'm also smart enough to decide decisions for myself, but when it comes to Math, oh God, help me - I'm a plain idiot.

There are many times that I really want to curse my father, Antonio (Spain) and all the people who are always associated with me because they pushed me to follow a path that I don't even want to take in the first place – they want me to be an engineer so I will live a comfortable life someday. But still, I miss them all especially my big brother, Alfred (America) who was always there for me even if I'm not a very obedient sister. If it's only possible to walk a thousand miles, I will not hesitate to go home, to Manila.

And God blessed me when Ivan declared his love for me at the end of my high school graduation. Well, it was not a declaration of love with some sugarcoated convincing words due to the fact tha Ivan is a man of few words. He just kissed me and whispered that he loves me - simple as that. And I couldn't reject him. How could you reject a man who was always there for you, like a friend, a brother, a protector?

The nine years of age apart taught me in love, it don't really matter.

However, Ivan does have a bad reputation in my family. In the past, he had some major conflict with my sibling over a pretty girl name Tamar (Georgia), who is the wife of my big brother now. Apparently, no one in my family knows that I'm dating him because they will never approve of it! They are very overprotective and they would probably skin him alive if they found out that I'm sharing the same room with the man they hated the most!

And you know what, it's a year already since Ivan and I began this secret relationship and it's really hard. However, the challenge is really worth it especially if the love you have is reciprocated. Yet, even if we live as a couple in the western world such as Russia, Ivan and I never tried to do it. You know what I mean! *blushes* He always said to me that there's a right time for everything and doing it with a minor like me is against his moral principles. I find his old fashion manner so romantic but surprising at the same time because as an Asian lady, I always think that Western people are more sexually liberated than us!

Now try to ask me if I have some fantasy sleeping with him? The answer is, of course, I'm just a human after all.

"Maria?" his deep voice made my senses back to the reality.

*Blink*. Yeah, I daydream too much this day. Okay, back to the real world.

"If you don't study, you won't find any decent job in the future. Do you like that, Maria?" He asked and he circled his arms around me. This is what I love about him, he'll be mad at first but after a couple of minutes, he'll be sweeter than a cotton candy.

"Of course." I said with a loud _hmp_. Very brave of me, of course.

He nuzzled in my neck and threw me an exam sheet on the floor. "Aa. Maybe you should persuade your father to change your course…" He placed a kiss on my forehead and held me close, "I know that you always wanted to study psychology."

"It's my second option because it's easier than Engineering!" I answered and let a little smile escaped my lips. "But you're wrong. I don't really fancy Psychology." He looked at me, puzzled as I put my legs around him and sat on his lap… "I just want to be a plain housewife and take care of kids."

"You sounded very lazy." He joked out.

"That's not it!" I said, defensively. "I just want to serve my husband because I always believe that a good foundation of marriage is to have a caring wife!"

"Aa." He chuckled and quickly kissed me. His lips traced the hollows of my neck. "And who would be your husband?"

Damn it. He is now dazzling me as he gave me a passionate kiss that made my blood rose to my cheeks. He asked me the same question one last time and I can feel his hands burning against my skin. He knew the answer, of course…

"You." I whispered weakly, and let the tip of my tongue traced his.

"But I'm nine years older than you. You're going to marry some old man in the future…" He whispered. At this moment, I find it very hard to think, even to breath…

"You're not that old." I only commented as I pulled myself closer to him. "A good life is cooking for you, doing household chores for you, waiting for you until you're home from work, and…." His scent drives my hormones crazy. "…pleasing you." I faintly added.

The fire and desire betrayed me to restrain my actions as I kissed him tenderly but it felt like moving your lips with an ice pole. He froze, shocked and was surprised by my actions. I never uttered those kind of words and he usually manages to control the situation when things started to go down the road.

"Maria… stop this." he said in a gentle voice and touched my left cheek "You're still young, I don't want to dishonour you." He murmured.

 _Dishonour_ , eh? Wow.

"But…" I only uttered in frustration and kissed him once again, only to be pushed away like before.

Shame – this is what I felt right now. But the need, the feelings of yearning for him won against the thoughts of the right things. I kissed him, harder this time…

"We have to stop this, Maria… your father will kill me." He begged in his most pleading voice and I found my own reflection in his eyes. I could tell he wanted it as much as I do but his conscience was eating him inside.

"I want you." I whispered and I feel like I'm not an innocent girl from a conservative country anymore. I'm aware that every pleasurable actions have corresponding consequences but it will be always worth the risk. Premature sex is still taboo even in the current era we're living in but I always see it in my own perception that it was more than a human necessity. It is a sacred activity that will combine the souls of two lovers as one and if I have to do it with my lover, I don't see any wrong about that.

"Stop it or else I wouldn't be able to control myself if you made things…" he paused, "…hard for me." He added.

With an idea, I grabbed his hand and placed it on the button of my blouse – indicating that I'm giving him the permission to control me. Closing my eyes, I waited for him to kiss me however…

…he didn't.

Giving up, I stood and walk away from my place filled with embarrassment. I was about to hold the door knob when he tightly hugged me from behind and…

"Maria..." He said and in a sudden moment, everything was a bliss…

He kissed me, not in a usual gentle manner but rather fierce this time. His hands gently trailed down my neck and yanked the first button of my school uniform as he touched my exposed skin.

"Did you know that I always have many fantasies of you?" he whispered and I realised he was done unbuttoning my blouse and he quickly tossed it on the floor. His hands are now touching the lock of my brassiere, his eyes glint with nothing but lust.

"What?" I weakly answered, panting.

This time, he smirked and leaned against my ear, "Thoughts of undressing you…" he whispered as he unlocked my brassiere and slip it away from my body. I felt my upper body was now completely exposed and the air gives cold sensation to my skin.

"Thoughts of caressing you…" he added as his hands touched my breasts, playing with my nipples. His hands went down further, slowly teasing my heated core. This is what I always wanted, to feel his hands on me, on my body, on every tip of my being. He quickly carried me as we made our way to his bedroom door.

"Thoughts of claiming you…" he said as he dropped me off the bed with a shear force, his weight on top of me. I wanted to touch the planes of his chest but his right hand locked both of my wrists above my head – making me feel powerless. His tongue roamed all over my body as his teeth grazing against my skin, making me shake involuntarily. In a sudden moment, there are no more barriers that cover our bodies.

"And thoughts of possessing you." He lastly said as he gently moved his body against me. From gentle to moderate to extremely fast pace, every sensation was a mixture of pain and pleasure. It's hard to form words in a response to his sentences at the moment. Locking my eyes to his, I only ended up moaning and screaming.

-;-

"Class, be prepared for the exams next week!"

My professor in Integral Calculus said as he quickly huffs on his cigarette and left the classroom with his right hand on his pocket. I yawned very loudly and think about the activities for the upcoming week; projects, homework, quizzes, exams, exams, exams and so many tiring exams! I just want to end this semester as soon as possible so I can fully rest well.

"Maria-chan, let's have our lunch together!", someone said, making me jump. It was my best friend, Lien (Vietnam). Looking at me with her deep brown eyes, she suddenly gave me a warm smile and helped me put all my books inside my bag.

"Well..." I paused with a loud yawn.

Lien and I have been friends together since I first stepped in this prestigious university. Just like me, she is an Asian girl as well and both of us knew the struggle to live in the world of white people. Lien is only a year older than me, with black hair, almond eyes, small nose and yellowish skin. Sometimes, people thought us that we are twins because our facial features are almost identical. We even dressed in the same fashion often and whenever there's a vacant period, one of our hobbies is to style our hair together!

But there are more reasons beyond that…

Lien might look very innocent girl but no one in school except me knows that she entered in a romantic relationship with a man who's ten years older than her. His name is Yao (China), one of Ivan's longtime friend. It is me who's the reason why the couple crossed their roads in the first place.

"Well what?" Lien said. "Maria, you're always sleepy. Don't tell me, you and Ivan are doing that thing every night?" She grinned.

This time, I stood from my seat and blushed. "N… No!" I replied but I could still see that grin on her lips. "To be honest, it's almost two weeks since the last time we did it." I whispered and blushed, well, I am really comfortable to open things with Lien.

"Oh! Two weeks?" Lien blankly asked.

With a sad smile, I added, "And we rarely talk anymore. He always come home very late."

"That's very alarming!" Lien cried and offered me to sit next to her. "Did you have a fight with him? Or do you think that he have another…"

"Stop it!" I cried but I suddenly thought that her statement might be possible. "He became very distant these days and he never asked me how I am like he used to. The constant thing I only heard from him is that he was really tired at work and school."

Lien sighs. "Is this the first time it happened?"

"Yes!" I quickly answered. "Once he arrived home; he'll just eat his dinner then head to bed and when the morning comes, _poof,_ he left already! It makes me so worried!"

"Whoa, calm down, Maria!" Lien said as she held my hand to comfort me. "Why don't you try to visit him in the graduate school building and have a lunch with him?"

"He doesn't have a class today. He's at work." I answered.

"Then why don't you bring him lunch instead? He'll appreciate it for sure!" Lien exclaimed, her hands clenched together at the thought of idea. "You should try to ask how's he doing at his job, it will be a great start for conversation!"

"I suggested the same thing last week but he doesn't like it! Ivan is the type of man who doesn't want to be disturbed at work." I replied and this time, I can already feel that my eyes are already teary, "Oh Lien, he probably have another woman out there! We will celebrate our birthday together this coming vacation, on June 12 but I think it will never happen anymore. He will dump me soon, I know it!"

"Stop being pessimistic, Maria!" She said while shaking his head. "Trust him! Remember, you are still his girlfriend right now and you have the right to visit him at his office whether he like it or not." Lien replied.

With a heavy sigh, I made up my mind.

-;-

 _Leningrad Machines Corporation, 01:30pm_

A wind brushed against my skin as I stood at the front of a high rise building. Sweat dripping off my forehead while holding a take-out I bought in the Chinese restaurant earlier. This will be my first time to step in Ivan's workplace. I wonder, how would he react?

"Students are not allowed here!" the guard told me in a heavy Russian accent as he roughly pushed me away with his big hands. His face filled with weary and wrinkles, thick eyeglasses were covering his green eyes while he looked at me as if I am an intruder in the site. "This is a place intended for grownups, not for some little brats to play."

"Excuse me?" I replied in a fake polite voice. "I came here to see someone, will you please allow me to step inside for a moment?"

"I said no." the guard told me again. "You need to access a visitor pass from an employer before I will allow you to go inside!"

"Ahem! An adult man yelling at young girl doesn't look so right." a female voice said as she grabbed my shoulder and gave the guard an offending look. She have a blonde hair that reach above her neckline with blue eyes that match the blue ribbon of her blouse. "Tell me dear, what business do you have in here?", she asked me.

With a shy smile and blush, I answered, "I planned to give this lunch to Ivan Braginsky, and he knows me, believe me!"

"Of course dear!" She said. "I guess Ivan was really lucky to have a cute little sister who wants to bring him lunch!" the female commented as she offered me step to inside. "My name is Yekaterina (Ukraine) and I'm your big brother's secretary! Now, let's go to his office."

'Sister? Do I resembled a young kid?' I asked to myself and tried to glance at the large mirror I saw while walking.

Ivan's office was located at the 12th floor of the building. While in the elevator, Yekaterina talked on how handsome my 'brother' was, how she had a slight crush on him in the past and how other women in this office fantasise to have them in their skirts which only irritates me a lot. Thankfully, I managed to keep my temper under control or else, I will only cause scandal which will give more reasons for Ivan to avoid me.

And finally we reached the door of his office! Yekaterina swiped some card that serves like a security code which made the door opened; and there I saw him! He was holding some papers the moment he saw us. Surprise and perplex are the emotions I read on his face.

Quickly placing the papers on the desk, he stood and asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Sorry to interrupt you, Mr. Braginsky. Your sister brought a lunch for you. Isn't she a sweet, young girl?" Yekaterina answered as we stepped inside but Ivan only gave a nod. "I will leave you two alone." She added and left the room.

There was a heavy silence between us now and I cannot read his expression, breaking the silence, I tried to avoid his gaze and quickly placed the lunch on his desk. With a heavy sigh, I said, "Ivan, I'm so sorry if I went here. I know that you don't wish to be disturbed. I'll go on then."

"Maria, wait!" he exclaimed and grabbed my left wrist. "Stay here."

So I stayed.

He was focused on consuming his meal while I watched him ate in silence. Like what I told to Lien earlier, Ivan and I never had a real conversation these past few weeks. I can understand that the job and university eat most of his time but avoiding me makes me feel like I'm just someone who just shared his bed with. Since I gave my virginity to him the week before he became busy, he acted very distant. Maybe some guys do really get tired of women after they got their "score", or maybe my forwardness that night made him lose his respect towards me. Or maybe both...

"Maria, thank you for the lunch. You shouldn't never bother yourself to do this, you will have another class later on." He said as he chewed.

Conclusion: he doesn't want me to bring him lunch. Damn him. My patience snaps.

"Well, let me be frank to you Ivan. No matter how busy I am, I'm not the kind of person who will forget someone I really care about because of work. Now excuse me, I'm going to school and I will see some of my friends who at least care enough to ask how I am!" I yelled as I stood from my seat.

"Maria, what is your problem?!" he coldly asked, making me stopped and trembled. I never dare to raise my voice at him before, I realised.

Summoning up all my courage, I asked, "Ivan… tell me…" this time, my voice is shaking. "Why are you avoiding me?"

He sighed. "I'm not avoiding you, I'm just tired."

"Well, it seems that you don't care how I am! You never ask about my day like you used to and you made me feel like I am nothing to you, Ivan…" I answered, raising my voice as I intended to. "You make me feel that your work is more important than me!"

He never answered.

"Is there someone else? Is she pretty? Or did I fail to satisfy you the time we did it? Your secretary mistakenly thought that I am your sister and you never even bother to correct her! It is because you are ashamed of me now?!" I yelled.

"That's not it!" Ivan sighed. "How could you think of such things?"

"It's because of your actions. I feel like you don't love me anymore."

This time, I cried.

He slowly touched my shoulders; his grip was gentle but was strong enough not to let me go, "I am really tired from work, really tired Maria… There are many nights that I don't have enough sleep because of my job and the upcoming exams I will have next week. I'm really sorry that I made you feel this way. I really am."

"That's not an excuse to avoid me." I told him and put my hands on his chest. Suddenly, I was now locked in his arms, trapped in his warm embrace. His hand slowly touching mine as the other one touched my cheek, wiping my tears away…

"Maria, semester will be over next week that's another reason why I'm allotting all my time to here so we could spend summer vacation together… with no priorities in our minds." He awkwardly explained.

"Vacation?"

"Yes, I want to file a vacation leave so we can spend our birthday together in Paris. You said that you always wanted to see the Eiffel Tower that's why I need to work overtime here to earn extra pay checks."

I was surprised, really surprised.

"Please understand that I'm doing this for you." He added. "Maria, there is no someone else. There is only you."

"Ivan… I…"

My words are cut off as I felt his lips touched mine. I should have never doubted him, I was his significant other after all. I let all his kiss removed away all my worries as the kiss became intense, I pulled away.

"I'm so sorry too. I should have trust you more… I'm…"

"Hush." He said, trying to calm me. "I'll promise you that you will have all my time this coming vacation. But first, you must do well in school." He added and he quickly grabbed a folder from his desk, handing it to me.

"What is this?" I asked and quickly opened it. It contains of some integral calculus equations which only confused me further.

"I made some exercises for you to study during my free time here. I really want you to achieve good grades and this is the only thing I can do to help you." He explained.

Pressing the folder against my chest, a big smile formed in my lips. _'So he really thinks about me even if he doesn't show it!'_ I said in my mind and squealed inside!

"Thanks Ivan but I still hate Calculus!" I joked out and with that, I tip toed and kissed him.

End


End file.
